Well Meaning Co-worker: You count your differentials funny. Look how your hand is rounded on the keys whereas I keep my fingers flat.
Me: (as heard by Well Meaning Co-worker) It's the penis in me. I keep my hand curled around it as I did when I was a child or else I would get my wrists slapped.
Well Meaning Co-worker: (Aghast, blushing.) WHAT?!?
Me: Yeah, it sounds a little barbaric right? And I think those semi-abusive tactics only serve to suppress the artist. Probably why I don't play now.
Well Meaning Co-worker: Play what? The penis?!?
Me:(staring blankly after a moment of thought) PIANIST.