Monday, May 19, 2008

deathandregret

They approach with tears and longing,
Regret is forever a part of this for us.
We speak only when not taciturn.

Trying to graft sense to it...
Logic eludes me like the understanding the universe
I cannot change; I cannot explain.
You'd know.

Hushed mutterings of joy of life and tragic death and 'at peace' and 'no pain'
He-did-not-suffer they say and I say shut-up:
I feel bittersweet regret, they did not know like I do
Some are medicated; and perhaps I am too.

Yellow glints from the ground - a tribute, however useless.
The magnolia shining as the grass grows with you as it's sustenance
Peace is that nature in which you live.
I hate thinking you might be happy there.

We continue on, staving off the insidious anger day by day.
There is no hurt such as this dullness, numbness...
Deafness to this life.
But madness rests in the next room.

No one can help me understand this.
Nothing anyone says is right.
They all knowingly say that this is inevitable.
Not you to me, never

And I hate that I only cry for so long
For you and me...we know it's the way of things.
I despise life passing as if you were never here,
Pretending you never gifted my life to me.

So many empty spaces now
Adaptation is a forced habit
I struggle to catch my breath of regret
And I am helpless against this.

Sunday, May 04, 2008

Trade Secrets

Everyone knows I don't take good pictures. I have a nice camera, but my photos suck. Until I took this one, which I don't know is really all that great, but I would definitely say it's okay. I took it at McMenamin's Edgefield in Troutdale a year ago with a clever little tool called a Lensbaby. This is a very special little widget, and is has the added perk of making a crappy photographer look like an artist.

At the time I was dating this photographer who didn't know about the Lensbaby before we met. I told him about it. He scoffed at first, and pulled out his $400 macro lens as if it was a penile extension. But when he saw I could take photos like this with a cheap little $75 (or so) tool, he got jealous. The thing is, this dude was talented. Like, when we split up it was devastating simply because he was such a great photographer and that I wanted to be able to say to my friends, "hey, you see that picture of the sunrise on the side of that 73x bus? Yeah? Well, my boyfriend took that picture, and made money with it. So. Suck. On. That."

[All photos were taken using a Canon EF 25 II extension tube.]