Wednesday, April 16, 2008

It's These Superficial Things

It's these superficial things that help me get out of relationships. Like, the icing on the cake. You realize that a guy is all wrong, and you find some stupid excuse to dump him instead of giving him the chance to be bronzed in your memory as a "sweet, caring guy who'll really make some special girl smile someday." Like, one time I dumped a guy because he had no neck (he was a pretentious bastard with serious white-collar-criminal potential). And then there was the dude a few years back that I broke it off with because he wore a tie to go hiking (he was really, really creepy). One guy backed into a parking spot (what a wacko!) and another one dried paper towels and turned off his water heater at night (prison record). Oh, and we can't forget about they guy who used the word 'like' 26 times in one sentence (a very big brain with too little time), the guy who plugged up my toilet (alkie), and the dude who squealed during his orgasms (you know who you are, you bleach-blond wanker).

It's these things that make me a somewhat-semi-sorta hypocrite. My confession to being a serial dumper is noteworthy, but it hasn't been in vain. These guys were all wrong for me. They weren't all dicks. That being said, each one was just another notch.