Monday, November 26, 2007

Enough to Choke a Donkey

I am not one to poke fun at bodily functions. Yeah, I get the occasional snicker when being regaled with the tale of the 'FLF' (foot-long floater), and one time in eighth grade I peed a little laughing so hard when my dad broke wind as he was napping on the couch. But I'm not going to poke fun at them now.

I am only going to tell you how incredulously horrified I was tonight when I realized that my cat farts. And these are superhuman, atomic bomb type farts. That's right. You don't hear them, so you don't know to leave the room. And they hit you like a ton of bricks.

The worst part? Unlike a human fart, cat farts cover large areas in a small amount of time and smell like a rotting zebra carcass being broiling in the Serengeti sun. FOR TEN MINUTES.

The other night, he crawled into bed with me, and I smelled this awful stench. I grabbed him and lifted him off the bed, searching his paws and butt fur any sign of kitten doody. I looked all around my blankets for any tiny pebble of cat crap, but could find nothing. The next day I realized that he was farting, and that feeding him cheese had caused it. I think tonight, it's the chicken.

Cough, cough.