Monday, July 30, 2007

The Day the Computer Died

I spent the majority of my weekend lying on the deck in my new summer chaise reading, eating popcorn and drinking a strawberry-banana-peach-orange smoothie. Except for the cloudy skies on Sunday, it couldn't have been a more perfect weekend.

I even managed to avoid doing that oh-so-hated task: taking a shower. Taking a shower for me is like wiping my ass with sandpaper. If the water isn't too hot, then it's too cold. There are so many steps: lather, rinse, repeat, condition, exfoliate, shave, then wash my body and all the little nooks and crannies which get progressively more plentiful as I continue to pack on the pounds. Since I successfully avoided having to wash these this weekend, they were extra linty this morning.

On Sunday morning I realized that my idiotphone wasn't downloading email, so I got online to check it. My computer has had this persistent little yellow shield in the lower right hand corner signifying that it has an update to install for about the last month. Finally yesterday I decided to do the restart necessary to install the updates. So, I click Alt+F4 three times, and hit restart. And I'm like, what? It sits there mid-shutdown doing this countdowny thing. Like, it was installing the updates as it was shutting down. I'd never seen that before.

It turns itself off and then back on. I wait the necessary 20 minutes as my old-as-sin harddrive grinds away in the startup process. I even walked out into the kitchen to give it some privacy. When I came back, I noticed the screen was up, the harddrive had stopped, but I had no task bar. Yeah, like, the bottom of the screen was gone. My computer had been neutered.

I knew this was happening as my harddrive has been getting progressively louder and slower and I haven't been able to start up Mozilla without offering the stupid thing a virgin sacrifice. Now it's officially dead and I am without PC. I am PC-less. Say that three times fast.

Is this what I get for downloading all that gay porn?