Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Surfacing, or Trying In Vain

Gunny Boi,

I miss you more than ever.

You can't possibly know the things I wish I could tell you...the great friends I've found...the man in my life...the crazy things that've happened at work.

I found one of your most prized possessions today on the public server: pictures of your dog, Darwin. Some with Grace, a few with Tiffany. Gracie will never know how much you deserved to be her daddy. Today I found the a photo of you that Rumsfeld has been pestering me for. But she won't get it. I can't do it...

My heart hurts so much. I look around and I remember you everywhere - standing between the 950s, with your head inside of one of them, so proud you could take this $250,000 analyzer apart and put it back together again without blinking. We'd snicker when people would leave forceps inside of them, just waiting for some one to get shocked.

I look at the pictures of us, which I will never show anyone, and I'm proud to have stood there in that spirit so tall. I can feel my spine straighten up when I look at them - you and I - in front of 2 flags: the United States, and the U.S. Marine Corps. How corny that would be if you were still here, but somehow it means so much remembering you and I on those cold tile stairs, gazing at each other as the photographer directed us to smile, friends in the true meaning of the word.

But people want to forget. They want to. I feel alone in this. Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning in an ocean of people who are faceless...how can they move on, their lives unchanged, knowing that you are gone, without thinking of your smile?