Monday, April 09, 2007

Top Ten Reasons Why...

...You Would Run a Red Light in Your Piece of Shit Truck and Almost Cause Me to Crash Betty Into It:

10. You ran out of your Prozac and your pharmacist is as incompetent as mine is.

9. You don't have liability insurance and are suicidal.

8. You saw I just upgraded to the new superlight halogen headlights (this morning, actually) and wanted to see them break before I even get to use them.

7. You've never seen an airbag deploy.

6. You just got your pathetic $200 tax refund and have to get to the Safeway customer service counter to cash it before they take their 3-hour break.

5. You thought I was napping (as I usually am) because I was in a zombie-like state listening to Clark Howard.

4. You didn't think you had enough Natural Light in the fridge to get you drunk but at least you managed to make it it halfway through the case before you made your next beer run.

3. Your crank dealer was standing on the opposite corner and you thought you could make it across before I got to the intersection.

2. You figured you'd use my car to strip the rest of the paint off of your beat-up jalopy, you crazy clod.

1. You knew I had to pee really bad.