On Monday, I went to Brazil. Yes girls, I did that to my body. Actually, I told the aesthetician, Maggie, pointedly, "screw Brazil, let's go all the way to Antarctica." I believe my salon calls it "The Fully Monty." (Picture my eyes rolling as I see that on my charge receipt.)
Picture me lying there with my knees pulled up to my chin, each rip of the paper making me wish I had syphoned some gas out of my car to sedate myself with, followed by Maggie's Boston accent saying, "when I first finished beauty school, I decided I was going to wax my entire bawdy." When I asked her for the best way to avoid crotch rash, she handed me a piece of 50-grit sandpaper disguised as a cleverly packaged "buffing cloth," and some concentrated nitric acid, and said to exfoliate daily using gentle circular motion. Yeah, lemme see you try this, lady.
What inspired me to engage in this ritualistic torture and pay to have it done??? Well, I guess the only thing I can say is that I've been very invigorated by the warm weather. That's it. And now the temperature is in the 50s again, and now my genitals will freeze until it warms up again. You know what I would do if put in that situation? I would grow hair.