Saturday, January 06, 2007

Pain and the Art of Anthropomorphism

The effect that gravity has had on my body has become an albatross to me. Click here to see how I have obsessed about it. I have visited the gym on a regular basis for some time now, but I'm not happy with my progress in successfully counteracting my less active years between 2000 and 2005. In an effort to be proactive, I contacted a trainer from my gym that I know on a friendly basis, and asked her if she could help out. Debbie is due to give birth in two weeks but nonetheless was able to set me up with a new, invigorating work out routine that not only will cause my body to undergo a dramatic physical change, but will cause pain so severe I will be screaming like a banshee. Just as I was today.

Debbie's primary instrument of torture was a draconian exercise known as a walking lunge. I hold two 10 lb. weights in my hands, and do lunges across about 30 yards worth of floorspace. After two sets, or 60 yards, my legs were noticeably jittery, and it felt good to sit down which I was finally allowed to do when I arrived at work 2 hours later.

I'm not one of those people who bases my life on numbers, financially or physically. But today, my gluts hurt so much I actually started to measure my life on a pain scale. When I originally started thinking about my pain, I remembered a funny comic strip I saw a couple of years ago and started laughing so hysterically my abs started hurting too.

I felt that the other chocolate bunny in the comic was too distracting, so, a little snip snip, and...