Thursday, December 21, 2006

Right Girls...Wrong Guy

Tonight I went out with my gal-pals Ali and Kat. We went to a great little Mediterranean restaurant I'd never been to, and after we had two and a half hours of fabulous food and even better conversation, we decided to go see the movie, "The Holiday," with Kate Winslet and Cameron Diaz.

We arrived about 25 minutes prior to the movie beginning, and Ali looks around as if bored. I suggested we get some bourbon and play quarters. "Are there any liquor stores close?" Ali asked. I looked over at Kat. "World Market," I whispered. "Alright, let's go girls." Kat announces. We got to World Market, and selected a six-dollar, 2005 Cabernet Sauvignon with a screw top and a picture of some weird game board on the front. At this point, I learned that Kat is a real candy conoisseur as she begins wandering up and down the aisles of candy, describing her favorites. She's tried them all.

We elected Kat as the designated sneak-the-liquor-into-the-movie-theater girl," and so she hid it under her jacket. We got into the theater, Kat pops open the bottle, hands it to me and suggests I do the honors. I eagerly complied, and handed the bottle over to Ali, who sampled it and handed it to Kat, who promptly took a swig and set it in the cupholder between her and Ali. Rather than concealing the bottle throughout the movie, we chose to be the brazen hussies we are and flaunt our malfeasance by passing it back and forth between the three of us, and making no bones about it for the sake of the other patrons. Luckily, we didn't get caught, but we did get a bit of a buzz.

We exchanged yuletide farewells - Kat is going to London and Ali to Tahoe for Christmas - and ran out to our cars in the rain. After Ali pulled away, I heard Kats car turning over, and over, and over again. I pulled up next to her and asked if she was okay. Instead of responding that her car is a piece of shit, she said that it takes 10 or 12 tries before it starts, and told me to go ahead. I trusted her and left.

I finally got home and made myself a nice cup of soup before bed. Then, at 12:45 a.m. I heard a strange doorbell-y noise from my idiot-phone. I looked down at it, and was horrified. There it was. The text message I've been dreading for eight months. "Hey i was going to see if that person needed help with their car at the movies but then i saw u and took off now i feel like a dick of not trying to help or at least saying hi, so hi merry christmas." It was my ex, Jesse, who I hadn't seen since April when our FWB relationship turned sour because of a silly misunderstanding.

After having a small fit of hysterical weeping in the bathroom, I elected to send a nonchalant reply. "I'm not sure why you took off, but I didn't see you anyways. That was my friend Kat in her Volvo that she loves. Merry Christmas to you also. Hope all is well."

His response? "Ah i am just weird about shit i undersatnd if u dont want to but i miss talking to u and would like to sometime life is good hope u r well jesse." Translation? "I haven't gotten any since you and I slept together last and I'd really like to hook up."

I was left to contemplate what the result would be if I were to let Jess come back into my life. When I look back on it, I wonder if I really did love him. He's not my ideal partner, but we had such a great time together. He was the only ex that made me feel like I did everything right. I was the moon and the stars to him. Why did we break up? Because he wasn't "emotionally available," was sexually selfish (the last time we did it was with me bent over my dining room table, fully clothed, with ZERO foreplay), and was really fussy about money. I hate cheapness, and it's one thing if a guy is poor, but choosing to gamble $250 at a casino instead of spending two nights at a romantic getaway with your girlfriend is not my idea of investing wisely in your relationship. He also had some strange logic when it came to sex and the female orgasm that never sat right with me. Clearly, he feels entitled.

I don't feel like talking to Jess again is risking my emotional health, but I do feel like he would get in the way of my ability to have a healthy relationship. Well, he might try. I suppose you could say the two of us were toxic. Well, maybe not toxic, but poisonous enough to where imbibing in a bit of EDTA may have helped. Fortunately, Jess was a long time ago and it's been about as long since I've had a relationship that I could consider to be toxic, and one toxic relationship can be easily negated by three healthy ones. I've opted to leave it alone and keep my distance from anyone wearing a Eugene Fire and Rescue T-shirt.

I'm so glad I've still got the girls.