Tuesday, October 31, 2006

The Word du Jour

I learned a word today that describes all that annoys the shit out of me: milquetoast.

Stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

Eat, Drink, Man, Woman

I don't think I followed this movie very well. I think part of my problem was that I was trying to come up with a good way of kissing my date for the first time without being so forward. Gee, after six dates, you'd think one of us would have broken down and done it. Maybe we're just friends. But I digress...

So the movie is centered around these three sisters and their loves lives. There's the beautiful, successful businesswoman, the frumpy teacher, and the backstabbing burger-flipper. They all end up finding love in the end except Miss Pan Am, who ends up getting the house in the country but no family to go with it. Which is okay, afterall. Life is just as glorious without love as it is with it.

I don't think I really liked Eat, Drink, Man, Woman all that much because it was slow on the uptake and didn't have enough sex as I thought it would be. When I first rented the movie I thought it was going to be an Italian flick, when it was really Chinese. It's dialogue-based plot isn't really intense, as it's all conversation with no explanation. I suppose it does come together at the end, but it's kind of sudden as two of the three sisters ride off into the sunset on their SO's 25-horsepower scooters.

I suppose that I rented this movie not knowing what I was getting means I should do more research. Good thing I've got Netflix.

Sunday, October 29, 2006


The other day I was in the bathroom at work. By happenstance someone came in while I was in the stall so I didn't get a good look at who it was. I did look at their shoes, however, and I saw something which is apparently being resurrected as a trend: velcro.

I was horrified, and I thought, how lazy do you have to be to not have enough energy to tie shoes? Especially if the alternative is velcro??? What the f---??

Not to outdo myself, and so to be publicly humiliated by my own sense of humility, I looked down at my own footwear. Clogs. The ultimate in pedicular sloth.

Just when I start to feel better about myself at someone else's expense, I have to go and be an adult. Aaarrrrgh.


I look at my cellulite, and I wonder if it's not actually there. Ever since I, along with the rest of the free world, realized that I identify with the typical person with body dysmorphic disorder, I almost wonder if I'm hallucinating my own fatness. But, since my jeans don't really fit comfortably anymore, I doubt it. That doesn't bother me so much , except that I only wear thong underwear, (ladies, these aren't near as uncomfortable as you think, but they're kind of an acquired taste) and I think I still have pantyline. How is that possible? My ass is so huge that a percheron would be envious. Envious.

My butt is the most persistently occupied part of my body aside from my brain. It is always being pushed on by some chair, my couch, my mattress, or something that doesn't require it to burn off any fat. The great thing about my body is that when I gain weight, the fat doesn't deposit itself in any one particular spot. It kind of goes all over. My face, my boobs get bigger, by thighs begin to rub together, my ankles retain water. One of my girlfriends has always been thin, even when she was pregnant, but when she puts on a bit of weight, she actually gets breasts. I've told her that if she doesn't want to gain any, she could have some of my breasts. I have more than enough for the entire population of small-chested women of Eugene.

I'm going to the gym.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Curb Your Enthusiasm...makes me feel like the most obtuse person in the world.

Why is Larry David so fucking funny? Is he really that funny??? I don't get it. I mean, the intention is obviously funny, but I just don't get the show. I think it's great that Larry and I find some of the same daily idiosyncrasies hilarious, but what's up with the bad punchlines? Nobody ever gets a good punchline except for Larry.

I'm up to season five, and I hear that that's when the episodes become less funny. I guess I'm sorry I missed the hootenanny in the first four, because season five sounds like a real letdown.

Supersize Me

I'm developing a mad crush on Morgan Spurlock, and it's not because he has such great taste in food.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Boyfriends and Neighbors

Last summer I got some new neighbors. A couple of women, my age or a bit younger, and a dog whose looks betray his personality to the world. I like to use the word "hairy" to describe things I believe are difficult, and I'd call the dog pretty hairy although I believe his name is actually Roger. The neighbors seemed like perfectly nice people. They ripped up the condo before they moved in, installed a washer and dryer right up next to the wall that adjoins my apartment (gotta love that spin cycle), and couldn't seem to figure out how to close the door to the communal garbage room after discarding their trash. Nevertheless, I tried. I petted the dog and even let it lick my face right before a date, introduced myself, and considered giving them a pie or some other generic housewarming gift. But I was only received with iciness. Had I parked over the line? Had I been too noisy? I don't believe I had caused any offense. Sometimes, however, you just can't win.

Now, the owner of the condo has a new roomie, assumedly her boyfriend. It's funny how I can fill in the gaps in this story on my own. Unfortunatly, I'm fairly sure that 'daddy' knows the story. They continue to do laundry, and torture my wall hangings as a result, but things are much quieter next door. No late night parties...in fact, I wonder if they are ever even there.

As for my neighbors on the other side...

The owner is in Boston. I think I'm dating him but I'm not sure. The whole thing is creating a ton of ambivalence on my part. Is this smart? Could I really be serious about this person? As we were playing pool the other night, he told me about some old friends of his. Then he mentioned that they are moving up here, and they're going to set up a farm outside of Eugene and raise pigmy goats and mushrooms. (I giggle just typing this.) Then he says that he'd like to live next door to them.

Hmmmm.....pigmy goats?

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Cinema Paradiso...truly a wonderful movie.

I haven't cried while watching a movie in such a long time. I am new to these Italian flicks, and boy, do they outdo themselves. The movie is a flashback in time of a self-made man and his amazing friendship with a projectionist at the town cinema, Nuovo Cinema Paradiso. It flashes from his young boyhood, to adolescence, and finally to his present, nostalgic adulthood. The actors and actresses are wonderful, in part because they are all new to me, and you know how I love new faces.

Thanks, Giuseppe!

Friday, October 20, 2006

Monsoon Wedding...a trip to Delhi was 2 hours in paradise.

I find movies with actors and actresses that I have never seen before to be so refreshing that I don't need a shower for at least 24 hours, no matter how raunchy the movie is. Especially when the movie is good. Monsoon was one of those. The acting wasn't particularly great, and the swift transitions between Hindi and English catch you off guard. At that, they keep you on your toes and you have to pay special attention to the subtitles.